I have learned that I am not the one who decides what I can and cannot have in my life. It took me 29 years to realize this. No matter how "on-top-of-your-game" you believe you are, God always has the last say on what He will give you. I guess the overly OC in planning Lisa in me has finally *and painfully* realized that I can only plan ahead so much... that I can only desire things so much... but then again the ONE up there is the one who decides if you truly deserve such things that you desire. You are lucky if your plans are aligned to the plans that He wants for you. But then if He thinks that you deserve something else, you have to learn to accept... to yield... to accept defeat and surrender to His will.

I never planned to get engaged by the age of 29. I never even imagined myself getting married for that matter. I never planned to be a prayer warrior after years of drifting away from my Catholic faith. God has his ways of turning you into the person that you probably can't imagine you'll be.

When I have learned to surrender everything to Him, that's the same time I learned to appreciate the things I have. I have learned to be patient... to wait... to trust in Him and his perfect plan for me will be granted in His most perfect time.

I think I will be erasing the whole "I-should-have-this" and "I-should-have-done-that" list I've made years ago. Not that I gave up on accomplishing my list. I will still continue to desire them and continue to pray for them. It's just that life is more beautiful and more exciting and happier if things happen and blessing are granted when you least expect them.

God is good. I am truly blessed and I know we all are. Merry Christmas everybody!

Labels: nothingness